Dear readers,
the following excerpt may not follow the status quo and my usual cliched writing style. It contains Les harde facts, things that I feel strongly about and yet am unable to convey it in a light-hearted manner. Indeed, THIS IS A WARNING: The following post may be crude and incoherent at times. It contains my views about issues that you may not be used to. Also, its 1599 words long.
Hence, I sincerely advise you to navigate away from this post and read the watered down post about Diamond instead.
Yours faithfully,
Gasper.
Diamond Programme, what was supposed to be an initiative to help failures, yes FAILURES, turned out to be a disastrous failure in itself. At first, I did not intend to attend the programme at all, but alas, after some persuasion from my friends, I decided to try it out-it couldn't be that bad right? But it was.
1.30 pm: two teachers stood at the front of the class. Trying to get the class to quieten down. BUT HOW DID THEY DO IT???? "You can leave if you think this is useless", "GET OUT if you don't want to attend", "You can go outside NOW!". What a positive, I mean negative start to the day. If the programme was supposed to motivate us to study, I seriously doubt the integrity of the promise. Asking us to get out right at the start? Indeed, how bout a round of applause for this method?
1.40 pm, a teacher started teaching. He did not have the vocals to project his voice throughout the AVA room, resulting in difficulty in hearing. The noise that erupted all over the place did not help his projection either. Indeed, he started to TRY teaching speed-time and distance-time graphs, together with the interpretation. This was regularly inter-spaced with propaganda on how he had sacrificed so much to teach us. This included him being a vegetarian, have not eaten lunch, and "please don't waste my energy" paraphrased at least in 3 ways. His lesson was also frequented by indications that we could leave if we did not find the programme useful. Indeed, I did not find it useful at all.
1.46pm, by this time, he was spluttering, trying hard to speak loudly and looked like he needed pills. A mike saved him, and destroyed him at the same time. Trouble was, despite the mike being able to magnify his voice, it also projected clear disembodied echos that set the whole 60 of us into hysteria. WHAT GREAT PLANNING!!-no mikes prepared etc!
1.50pm, surprised he was still alive, he had started to stress on his worksheets, on how we would have worksheets to do. UTTERLY IRRELEVANT. Also, as the mike problem was solved by then, he put on a more confident demeanor to the uncooperative class. BUT, as if to prove that he was worthy of teaching us, he tried to show-off. writing down complicated equations that "you do not need to know...Only use in JC". I mean, seriously, I know a show-off when I see one. He was trying to prove his value, his smartness but I mean, teaching complicated equations that you only need to know in JC is not a very smart way of approaching a class of supposed failures.
2. 05 pm, we were given the worksheets. We had to complete two questions. the first two parts of question 1 I managed to do by my own volition. Then came part C. I did not understand how to do it and yet he did not succeed in explaining it well enough for coherence sake. The question looked wrong, and yet even if he changed some of the lines of the graph it still looked like gibberish. But did he manage to rectify the mistake? nope. I still did not understand about Ys etc. To make things worse, he stopped using his mike at irregular intervals to talk and concentrate on half of the auditorium while my half got practically thrown into the lurch. how would that make you feel eh?
2.15 pm, I was starting to get tired of part C. I still could not understand, and I was getting more and more irritated by the second. he moved on to question 2.
2.30 pm, by this time, I had completely zoned out. I attempted the questions to get it all wrong. Marvellous, now I had to be reminded of MY STUPIDITY huh! Brilliant don't you think?
2.40 pm, I had had enough. Over the whole span of an hour, we had barely scraped the tip of the iceberg. we had barely gone through 2 questions, out of which I still did not understand those questions that i did not know how to do at the beginning of the lesson. I went there with a 10 percent knowledge of physics and left with a 10 percent knowledge of physics.
2.45 pm, I left. I could not stand it anymore, all the demeanor, helplessness, uselessness etc. the lesson had not ended but I left. Just left without any warning or notification. I heeded the advice of the teachers and left because I felt that it was useless. The unfulfilling lesson had become a facsimile of the 1700s useless lecture and I was not going to let it waste any more of my time.
The diamond programme was:
1) Ridiculous.
A physics lesson supposedly designed to help failures in physics becoming a lecture about a vegetarian man who had not eaten lunch? I mean, where is the link? Its like saying I wanna shit and then going to eat a stick of celery-and that has more link. The echo of the mike, the phrases that were used all accumulates to form a ridiculous notion of a programme that was supposed to be humanitarian. Oh wow, he seemed to have such lofty aspirations, so high and mighty, wanting to help the class. I respected him for that, yet everything that conspired convinced me that a mother Teressa was not standing in front of me.
2) Not beneficial
That is a nice way of saying that it was not hitting the mark, not targeting our weakness. Not understanding the nature of the students, restless people during the holidays, people wanting to play basketball, people who wanted to go swimming, people who were concerned about their marks and wanted to improve, people who desperately needed help! No, there was no analysis at all. No catering to needs, no cutting down of the size of the class. No, not at all. Instead, we had speed and distance time graphs, things that should take much less then one hour to finish explaining take much more than one hour to explain to an extent instead. Teaching of complicated equations to highlight how much we did not know, rubbing salt into the wound. making us feel inferior. I really expected much more from such a programme, and perhaps that was why I left the class.
I felt:
1) Disappointed
I went to the programme in the hopes that I would learn something constructive, something that would prepare me for the O'levels, but I did not get that! I am sorely disappointed in the programme, expecting much more that promised so much hope. A programme that shown like a beacon to help those who did not do well, a lighthouse to guide us safety. What I got instead was a black light, examining and turning me inside out, a shroud that darkened me further, diminishing my want to learn physics, creating a platform for me to abhor the very subject that I was contemplating to drop. the programme has not made a positive impact on my decision, did not sway me to take physics like I hoped it would. the programme was something important, it provided hope, but all of the hope was taken away to form something worse: disappointment.
2) Frustrated
Why couldn't there be a more accomplished person teaching us? Why couldn't the speed be suitable? Why was I unable to understand concepts that are supposedly easy to grasp? I do not know what to do! When I left the class, I wondered if it was legitimate, what was I doing? then I realised, I was running away from the bane, the one thing I hated, failure. I thought the programme would take away my failure, but it only exacerbated the problem, it made me so frustrated, not knowing what I should do. Should I smile and say all's fine or should I make a demonstration of how badly the programme was run? Grr..I want to do something but I can't. This sense of helplessness is overwhelming like nothing I have ever felt before, the feeling like everything is out of control. Yes, this paints a dystopian and uncertain future, but can it be dismissed, the fact that I walked out, the fact that the lesson was so disappointing?
Was it legitimate for me to walk out of that room without a backward glance?
I do not know and I shall cease to contemplate on that matter. Perhaps I should talk to Mr. Ng, then again, maybe I should not.
This is weary, this post can only convey so much of my feelings, my thoughts. The emotions are so varied, so wispy, fake, unable to coalesce into something substantial. I want to drift away, but I don't know why. I want to rave and rant, but I don't know why.
You have read the post, I do not know if you understand it, but either way, it makes no difference...
It makes no difference...